Question: “Thanks for pointing out both sides of the
bullying problem. I have a young niece that is displaying many of the
characteristics of a bully. How can my family and I help her at home?
Does our public school system offer interventions or counseling for a bully?”
Sally C.
Answer: Thank you for your questions. The
characteristics of a bully range in age and gender. Today we will focus on
the different forms that a female bully may use to harass and intimidate her
peers.
Does your niece exhibit any of these warning signs?
• Typically uses more indirect methods of aggression, also known as social
or relational bullying (Please refer to June 14 column). Examples may include
excluding others from the group, spreading nasty rumors about others, breaking
confidences, getting others to dislike a person.
• More likely to bully other girls (Olweus 1993).
• Bullys in groups.
• Seeks to inflict psychological pain.
• Gives the appearance of a well-behaved individual in the company of
adults, but acts cruelly to peers when left alone.
• Targets weaknesses in others.
• Frequently makes comments regarding the sexual behavior of girls
they don’t like (Byrne 1994a; Byrne 1994b).
• May also use verbal aggression such as mocking, name calling, teasing,
public challenges, and mean telephone calls. Also, physical abuse such as
hitting, shoving and punching, theft of possessions, and/or coercion to cause
fear and shame to another person.
• May be popular with other students, who envy her power.
• Is physically larger or makes herself seem larger.
• Is impulsive (Olweus 1993).
• Exhibits low tolerance or frustration (Olweus 1993).
How can my family and I help her at home?
Parent’s communication is key. Talk to your child about having
self-acceptance and awareness, confidence within themselves, compassion for
others and to be happy with themselves. This is a diverse world that we call
home and children must be taught to work together and to appreciate and
understand the differences (diverse talents and difficulties) in others. Parents,
be kind to your children as you desire them to be kind to others.
Teach kids to solve problems without using violence, and praise them when
they do. Use kind words to give positive feedback. There is no need for profane
language.
Encourage your child to help others who need it.
Support bully prevention programs in your child's school. If your
school doesn't have one, consider starting one with other parents,
teachers, and concerned adults.
Does our public school system offer interventions or counseling for a
bully?
Once again communication is key. You must communicate with and get involved
with your child’s school system. Most school systems are well aware of the
problems of bullying and have put in place anti- and awareness-bullying
programs. Many are building an atmosphere that makes students feel safe and
supported and is crucial in discouraging and eventually preventing bullying.
In addition, a school environment that is conducive to learning and
academic achievement increases a student’s chances of maintaining high levels
of success, thereby enabling him/her to complete school and become successful
later in life. Furthermore, when students trust that they will be safe from the
repercussions that may be associated when reporting an incident, they are more
likely to let an authority figure know. Most importantly, students are able to
rally together and support each other. Rejection and isolation of one’s peers
is less likely to occur when a school creates a space that has no tolerance for
bullying.
Don’t turn a blind eye when you witness someone being targeted.
Parents don’t turn a blind eye because your child is not the victim.
